truth.

frankness
integrity
authenticity
actuality.
this is really happening.

i'm in l.a. for good.







for now.

i live in the room i grew up in in my parents' house. while my car might not like the wear (mileage is a woman's wrinkle) i do love being home. where else would i be right now.

there's something to be admitted about the active pursuit of happiness.

letting go.

i left my heart in barcelona. i knew i'd feel this way soon enough. waking up to cars honking & the alarm clock playing essential astrud gilberto. sleepwalking into my huge shower, toothbrush in hand. perusing yahoo weather, my mood & whowhatwear for outfit inspiration. vitamins & juice rushing out the door. bicing or metro to paseo de gracia. running errands all over town (okay, i admit, with scenes of "the devil wears prada" as my motivation). the occasional counting nine hours back & painting hand-taking scenarios as i discover new parts of town. bicing the coast route home. my kitchen. the most essential: no tan lines.

letting go. l.a. is the only place i could be right now. tans lines for an almost endless summer, the ultimate trade-off.

active pursuit of laughter. knowing what i want. sometimes it's as simple as going where i think i want to be. and going from there. i am the anti-planner.

like halloween, por ejemplo. the idea was to check out the skirball. bro in l.a. being the motivation. as soon as vanessa, mia & i entered the parking lot, we already weren't sure about the vibe. hotbox & let's see. still not really feeling it. let's get in line & see how fast it moves. i can hear the music & already i hear a song i don't like. hmmm.. should we leave? i don't know, is that cool with you? i'm cool with that if you don't mind. is it just me or are you guys not feeling this either? okay, let's bounce. so we did. surface mulholland to silverlake.

short stop ended up being exactly what we needed after all. the dj. his set was like... really good sex. good god.

i realized that my costume was like a pop art test. do you get me? those who didn't thought i was a sixties hippie/protester. (rolling my eyes).

while waiting for our bacon-wrapped hot dogs, one guy asked, "where's john."
i said, "we're separated at the present time."
one guy, "i guess that's a better way of saying, 'yeah, he's dead.'"
too funny.

it was a great way to screen potential love interests, come to think of it.

speaking of art. metaphors. i love them. as long as they connect to some sort of truth... in other words, solve problems. (this entry is full of them). you know, i have to get it. abstract? sure. but obscure? i'm impatient.

thoroughly modern vanessa.


my costume accessory. (only one of the most important works to come from their time)

mmmm rain today ("easy. fantastic. lonely together. painfully tender like the last clap of thunder"). por fin. so lovely. the sound, the chill. the only thing i'm missing is a bath tub full of steaming water, bubbles & jasmine essential oils to go with my good book (right now: norman mailer's "miami and the siege of chicago").