you never knew

The originals, originally uploaded by mjane.

5 years ago, I got a job at this website called Antix.com. Before Dean, mentor-extraordinair, hired me, he sat me down in the middle of his office with two chairs facing each other. The chair I was sitting in was facing the wall on which hung a bus-shelter-sized poster of this blonde porn star in a bent-over pose wearing nothing but black patent-leather stiletto heels. Was she sucking on a lollipop, too? I don't remember... and I forget her name now... but at the time I thought that knowing a little info on her was the "trick" part of the interview. Luckily, I was familiar with her work and mentioned a couple tidbits nonchalantly, hoping that it would score me points with the company. Anyway, I interviewed with Dean, Mackenzie, and Jeff - they all took turns sitting in the chair facing me (Pat was out with a broken collar bone at the time). They were asking me all sorts of typical job-interview questions and as I answered them, in my head all I was thinking about was how impressive the porn star's tummy looked in the tucked position - you know, no flab, no rolls, nothing.

Anyway, I got the job. And long story short, or should I say, point being: Donny Miller, there are reasons why respected gossip columnists are hard to come by in the states, moreso in L.A. But you, my friend, have got the formula down. After all, it is your Universe. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get a holla for approving Ollie's hot selection for Mack's birthday surprise at the old office - who, by the way, also rode you and your associate, a generous impromptu gesture of appreciation from the birthday boy for lending your support. But, what's news to me is that you say that you couldn't get it up. Hey, don't get me wrong, Donny, it happens, man. C'est normale, as they say. But even a teeny tiny little "thank you" of any sort would've been cool.

It's all good, Donny. We can always count on you to keep the crowd laughing. Don't stop what you're doing. In my book, that's finesse.

Mac. Man, what a fucking piece of work. He's on my top ten most uptight people I've ever met in my life list., originally uploaded by mjane.