vitamin d

i'm going through something very interesting, attempting to live in the present. this is something i'm not used to doing. i remember working - sitting at a desk, staring at a computer - and constantly thinking, all i want is simplification, more time for myself. and now i've got it. at first, i couldn't come to terms with it. i call it "the grass is greener" disease. i got as far as quitting my office job and moving to france. but as soon as i was faced with what i wanted, i panicked. in fact, i got anxious about not having to do anything i didn't want to. i started to anticipate getting word from paris about the job status out there. i felt guilty for not being "busy." i was insecure for not having any idea of what i'm going to do next. when lo and behold, i've been doing all along. and after six months of being here, i'm finally starting to notice and enjoy the now a lot more.

nothing is going as i planned, and it's great. it makes me realize not to think so much, plot so much, or expect anything at all.

Normality is the paradise of escapeologists, for it is a fixation concept, pure and simple. It is better, if we can, to stand alone and to feel quite normal about our abnormality, doing nothing whatever about it, except what needs to be done in order to be oneself.
~ War Dance by E. Graham Howe