jack of all trades:

to be one is the curse laid upon people who are experts in various fields of work, who hold multiple skills that apply to different positions, who are able pick up knowledge of any one trade without difficulty.

apparently, it is the hardest for them to find a decent job. go figure.

insomnia

i'm having trouble falling asleep at a decent hour these days. so i've been reading a lot. i've gone through a lot of books already, so last night i decided to try writing. but i was having a hard time conveying my thoughts into sentences, so i stopped writing and decided to read a book instead. the book: chicken soup for the writer's soul. i figured it's cheesy, but harmless, so it couldn't hurt to skim through a few pages. after reading a couple of stories, i was convinced that my writer's soul was touched. some passages:

my second marriage was tearing apart. troubled, i walked the path under the blue oaks along the consumnes river, a little light remaining at the end of the hot day. since we had acquired the ranch ten years ago, my husband and i had commuted the twenty-five miles from the california gold country to sacramento. but like many people, i lived in the fast lane... (from "writing can be magic")

one of my most profound fears, of course, was that the day would soon come when i would no longer be physically able to perform the simple act of climbing a favorite tree - clearly, ballet was out of the question. while i didn't want to face it, i rarely thought about anything else. on one particularly tough day, i went to my hideout straight off the school bus, book pack on my back and all. i'd tripped again, and had a spectacular fall at school, this time right in front of the boy i'd had a secret crush on... (from "dreams lost and found")

since books are printed on sheets about half the size of the average sheet of paper, i decided to cut my sheets of paper in halves. since books are printed on both sides of the page, i did that as well. since books are printed in single space, i did that too. i wanted to make it easy for the publishers. (from "a writer's journey")

there are 400 pages worth of this stuff, people trying to write a few thousand words on how they became writers, how they found their voice, overcame obstacles... zzz... BORING! but hey, it worked. i was so bored out of my mind with all the sap that it motivated me to write in my journal. now that's some chicken soup!

i heart:

l.a.
sunshine
& most importantly
you!

happy valentine's day.

a healthy dose of salt (huff puff)

i think my brain has finally reached its first boiling point from being in france. and i figure, if i could just come to terms with, let out some steam from all the non-sensical things that have built up in my system the last five months, then i can go back to focusing on all the beautiful ideas and elements of why i decided to come out here.

as beautiful and amazing i think my french experience has been thus far, i cannot help but feel a bit tired from being "strong," as people have described me as being. it's ironic, the whole being strong thing, because i feel like it refers mostly to dealing with other people's personalities and least to do with anything french, like learning the language or finding a job.

i'm not sure what their motivation is, but i'm observing that people steer towards either being easily impressed by my actions or feeling sorry for me. you know what i mean? like, it's either "wow, jane, your rice is the best rice i've ever had," or "poor janie had to sit through a whole conversation in french," bullshit like that. in any case, i'm learning that the best method for dealing with all of it is to act dumb. but that gets tired too... because i'm not!

truffles & texans

who's a good boy?, originally uploaded by mjane.

today i joined inger on a truffle-themed trip in le var. i never really knew what truffles were before today. if you've never had them, simply put, they are a sort of cancer that grows on the roots of various types of oak trees. they can only grow in certain parts of the world, i.e. the south of france and regions of italy. you can spot truffle-infected trees by their brownish-colored leaves. their leaves are brown because the trees are sick - makes sense as truffles are basically parasites. as they are rare and apparently taste good, too, one kilo of truffles today cost about 800 euros. they are hunted by a truffle hunter and their dogs or wild boars.


sheep, originally uploaded by mjane.

hay, originally uploaded by mjane.

anyway, so i go on this day trip that is organized by a woman called kathy that inger knows. kathy turns out to be an american chef who lives in julia child's house near valbonne. and once a year or something, people pay her something like 2,000 euros to stay at her house for a week and learn how to cook and go on food-themed day trips. today was all about truffles.

we met up at her house this morning where a van would pick us up. the people staying at her house this year were all from texas. one couple worked for texas instruments and the other couple was retired from the oil business. we all hopped in the van and took off to check out a few different villages in le var. first, we went to this olive oil shop and saw how they make olive oil. we only spent an hour there and then headed to la gite de france, a bed and breakfast with a truffle farm.

the truffle daughter, originally uploaded by mjane.

this place is a trip. the first thing you see once you get to the driveway is a statue of a dog. they also have their own chapel. at the back of the property, they keep all these dogs, sheep, chickens, ponies, and pigs. inside the house is decorated uniquely. there's a boar's head once you walk in the door. there are scatters of porcelain dogs, dog paintings, guns hanging on the wall and really cool ivory and chocolate leather seats. talked with the richard, the oil business man, who i found very funny and charming. he's part of some group called the century club. you become a member if you've visited one hundred countries or more. he said that general eisenhower was said to have been prescribed by one doctor, "a jigger o' whiskey a day," which richard supposes is, "better than not having any... but then again, the smoking didn't help." he was stationed in the philippines after the war in 1946. he mentioned how much he enjoys watermelon seeds. i also learned how to make truffle-filled scrambled eggs... which we ate for lunch along with truffle-stuffed filet mignon, truffle mashed potatoes, truffle on toast, truffle & chestnut soup, truffle'd brie with grapes, apple pie, and vanilla ice cream. that is the only meal i'm having today. and then after our coffees and digestifs, we went out in the truffle farm and hunted some with this hunter named lionel and his cute black doggies. it was very interesting.

front: richard and his wife; back: two dogs licking each other and a rose, originally uploaded by mjane.

sniffing for truffles, a dog's life, originally uploaded by mjane.

we left la gite around 3pm and went to this vineyard called chateau roubine and did a tour of their property and did some wine tasting. having a heavy lunch and lots of alcohol creates drowsiness. too tired to socialize and pay attention to interesting facts and stories regarding wine. i did a lot of tasting. inger bought some bottles of rosé and red.

pig, originally uploaded by mjane.

by the time we got back to kathy's house, it was 7pm. i was stoked that mackenzie was already there waiting to pick us up, especially since i anticipated him being stuck in traffic with NATO in town.

my shadow originally uploaded by mjane.

untitled

m.wolf: architecture of destiny: hong kong #22, originally uploaded by mjane.

beautiful photos
. . .
it's very windy today. good excuse to stay indoors, write some emails, and dance to janet jackson's janet album. if only it were that easy. i need to distract myself from attempting to answer the question, "what am i going to do next?" i won't know that answer until i'm doing it, right?

happenings

it starts with friday. i hit an all-time low during breakfast when i found myself fighting the imaginary forces of midlife. so mackenzie took me to a beach near st. laurent. we sat out in the sun, near the sea, in this cool cafe and had some coffees while mackenzie pitched me the cote d'azur. great presentation. on saturday. the whole family went to see the little shop of horrors at mackenzie's high school, the international school of nice. oh la la. let's just say that it was one of the funniest experiences i've had in france thus far. and then on sunday we drove into this forest north of cannes to smell the mimosas. coincidentally, there was a mimosa festival going on in the village of tanneron where we walked around and had a crepe and some coffee.

when i woke up this morning i noticed that since i've been here i've been waking up with a little taste of disappointment. i have to change feeling that immediately!

la prefecture des alpes-maritime

what a day. my day started off with a meltdown, including i-don't-know-who-i-am-anymore rants, freaking out about my status in eu, whether or not getting my carte de sejour (a.k.a. green card) would be worth jumping through all these hoops, how will i be able to travel in and out of eu, being ridiculously homesick, etc. etc. etc. then reality hit, and i had to get out of bed to face la prefecture (in my case, it's immigration-office equivalent) and see for myself what my options are.

and after waiting three hours to talk to this lady about the possibility of transferring our files from paris to nice, not only did the lady say it's a go, she okay'd me for a ten-year visa (instead of the one-year paris said i was only qualified for), and processed mackenzie and my temporary cartes de sejour on the spot. stoked.

thank you mackenzie.

the old country

i'm having a hard time getting into the whole cote d'azur vibe.
it's seems a bit too midlife for me.

vitamin d

i'm going through something very interesting, attempting to live in the present. this is something i'm not used to doing. i remember working - sitting at a desk, staring at a computer - and constantly thinking, all i want is simplification, more time for myself. and now i've got it. at first, i couldn't come to terms with it. i call it "the grass is greener" disease. i got as far as quitting my office job and moving to france. but as soon as i was faced with what i wanted, i panicked. in fact, i got anxious about not having to do anything i didn't want to. i started to anticipate getting word from paris about the job status out there. i felt guilty for not being "busy." i was insecure for not having any idea of what i'm going to do next. when lo and behold, i've been doing all along. and after six months of being here, i'm finally starting to notice and enjoy the now a lot more.

nothing is going as i planned, and it's great. it makes me realize not to think so much, plot so much, or expect anything at all.

Normality is the paradise of escapeologists, for it is a fixation concept, pure and simple. It is better, if we can, to stand alone and to feel quite normal about our abnormality, doing nothing whatever about it, except what needs to be done in order to be oneself.
~ War Dance by E. Graham Howe