i can't see em comin down my eyes

so i gotta make the song cry.

c

   r



    y

      c
 r


         y
   c




     r



       y


  c
   r



 y
           c

                 r



     y.

. . . . . .

when i think 09, i think:

michael: how bad do you think it's gonna be?

clemenza: pretty goddamn bad. probably all the other families will line up against us. that's alright - this thing's gotta happen every five years or so -- ten years -- helps to get rid of the bad blood. been ten years since the last one. you know you got to stop them at the beginning - like they should have stopped hitler at munich, they should never've let him get away with that. they were just asking for big trouble. you know, mike, we was all proud of you - being a hero and all. your father, too.

and so it's on to ten.

10 it is.

twenty ten.


. . . . . .


listen is the most that i can do right now. i find myself feeling some interesting anxiety. post traumatic something via ridiculous delayed reaction.

work in progress.


. . . . . .


finally developed a couple rolls of film i had been sitting on. below are some notables from the stack. *sigh* oh film, how i love you so. nothing could ever compare to you. imitated.. but never duplicated. please don't leave me. EVA.

LAX.

summer.


four seasons. faded.



life is a working vacation.

tidbits foreal.

universe: oh you think you've achieved serenity, do you? *zing* (lost keys/sideways rain/hot flashes/etc. on repeat) prove it.

life is a really well-written sitcom.

alright some vernacular. twelve steps are keeping things simple for me these days. as in, i am constantly humbled. and the mantra that goes with is what is my part in this?

relationships. the good ones. it gets to the point where you don't have to say a word. quiet is trust.

did you know that LA City Council members get to express their inner-divas at the expense of tax-paying angelenos? as in, a council member in my hometown gets paid more than a federal judge. & a few of them have over twenty staffers each. oh no.

the non-judgement mantra: everyone's just thinking out loud.

stop everything. ocean & broadway.

q picked skatelab as her 8th bday party venue.

joke candles.

q, david, & luca (< q likes him).

besties.

block walking.

a l.e.s. moment.

w.harlem refitted.

55 w.125th street. (fanning out)

APICHA.

the sun-worshipping companion turns trey-trey.

the grass over here is just as green as it is on the other side. enjoy!

word thirsty

it's been a multi-tasking environment for me lately.  this entry is turning out to be my journal of late as i can't seem to separate the past few weeks into their prospective moments...

(11 november):

interesting being in l.a.  always interesting.  yet some times i drive around this town wishing i were somewhere else.  and it's like, why?  l.a. is dope!  somewhere else will happen when i'm there.  right now, i'mz absorbing the hometown.

funny how life works when i stop thinking that c'est moi qui fait le tour du monde.  does that translate correctly?  basically, life is a very cool being..  i'm personifying life now, as if it were the ultimate mentor/leader..  and i'm just starting to recognize its presence and magic.  all this time i took the credit, it was life all along.

i'm at the flower shop right now.  lots of funny coincidences with this gig.  it motivates me to take more interest in l.a. politics.  i learn about all of the amazing effects of medical mj, like alleviating everything from a foot injury to the side effects of HIV meds or chemo.  i'm meeting a rainbow of human beings.  all of it is very humbling.

(24 november):

working another double today.  today's flower is woody o.g.  as in woodpecker?  no.  harrelson.  by the way, love how the "medical marijuana debate" is getting so much press.  ♥

villaraigosa sound bite at today's council mtg: "make [mj] like beer, i don't care."

so today has been weird.  but i have a mantra that's keeping me in check.  all is well.  peace and balance. it started with a dream i had this morning.  yeah yeah, it's not real - one of those.  but it was entertaining in future-seeing sense.  so weird.  basically, there's a key conversation between me and a good friend where we both had this revelation: neither of us has no idea where this is going.  and that's actually a great thing.  dope.  one of those.

then going to work, a girl in a pt cruiser hit me from behind on wilshire and lacma.  i was so pissed.  yet when i got out of my car i found myself giving her a hug and just kind of brushed off the incident, although really pissed with a weird elitist-pacifist tone.  polite, but with a very loud and judging voice.

she responded in a very cute tone, "i need to relax and not stress out too much." 

i took off my sunglasses, "yeah, me too."

we just stood there (it was bright and sunny out, by the way)... and then i told her to forget about it.

it was a very tenenbaums moment midtown l.a. steez.

i got back in my car and realized that i'm ovulating.. again.  already?

hand made.

 

 

 

 

oh arthur jackson mahar turned 4 on october 10.  this is what happens to carsthat chill on top of birthday cakes.. 

 

 

 

 

mia & i took a drive one day to grass valley.  shianne gave birth to 

karsen jane six weeks before we arrived.

 

kodi bear smelled like febreeze & vinegar

(to get rid of skunk funk).

parker has a hard time accepting the house rule of having pants

on while there are guests present.

 

 

 shy's treasures.

 

 

 

 

 

lake wildwood.
 

 

oasis.

back at armacost.  all this does is validate that -

although i was pretty much FADED the whole time i lived

here from 2000-04 - i was good to this spot.  thank god.

 

rare rainy day.  westwood & pico.

 

 

too smoky inside for photos.  typical of the la brea collective volunteer staff.

halloween 09.

 

 

my sister cut q's hair.

 

niketown b.hills window. (getting his).

caprices

"i like being in the arms of a good-looking nun. how do you like it, sister?" -hogan, two mules for sister sarah

. . . . . .

since i've been back in l.a., a mix of "starving artist" steez (no ends) and my shopping fix have lead me to peruse a few of the vast number of second-hand shops that exist here. and with $40 this week, i got in on six gold o.g. jewelry pieces from the 70s-80s, a purple wool shawl, and a red leather pillow... most of which i gave away as gifts (grr it was hard to do, but something that good's meant to be shared). top that off with my kick of bumping into o.g. designs. très serendipitous. i also find that it satisfies my consumerism so fully that i tend to be turned off by purchasing at bigger retail operations (over-priced, new pieces that are made in bulk).

cheap & chic and rare for real.

. . . . . .

back to school. la rentrée. la vuelta... mia and i called that one. the first two weeks of september were like orientation. and since we got back from seattle, it's been nothing but hitting the books. i feel like i'm more in school now than i was when i was actually attending (and paying for) classes. the difference? school is a hell of a lot more fun now. i'm studying for tests that i don't know the dates of... my professors (karma) drop surprise tests on me whenever they want... i just have to be ready. and when i'm not, the results are more about the lesson than than they are about the scores anyway.

fuck the scores.

. . . . . .

i just got home from a sorority event. yes, i'm an alumna of a college sorority chapter that three women (myself included) founded ten years ago. i fell off the radar the last five years while i was overseas. but a couple of weeks ago, something told me to become more involved again (some call it intuition, others: coincidence). and now i'm a "big sis" to a 3rd-year art history major pledging to become an active member in the sorority.

anyway, so i go to this event, and i'm tripping out on the number of young women who are now a part of this organization. there had to be at least thirty ladies in the room. and then adding the girls who weren't there...

not to mention the life résumés thus far of each of these women... wow. unique yet like-minded for real.

i'm experiencing sustenance/legacy in action. i knew a decade ago that i was working towards achieving such, but i had no idea that i was actually going to.

trip out.

. . . . . .

i appreciate! the hometown. my loved ones. my car. my various shelters. my p/t gig. the universe. you.

westside details.

s.m.a makeover.

sunroof wilshire.

hannon library.

my version of flowers & balloons.

full moon for amelia's birthday.

the homies fact-checking a "maya angelou r.i.p." tweet.