a million & one...

being present: half of the time i feel like a kid, but an adult (grown)! and no parents breathing down my neck.. yeah! and then there's the other half - like now - when i start my cycle and i feel like a teenager, but an adult (do it yourself, mary jane). all while re-training myself to not breathe down my neck.

ok, some latest contributions to society:

mr. eisenhour and i saw gza recently. immediate words that come to mind: americana, timeless... there's no one else like him. even the words to describe him are too cliché for who i observed him to be. genius. yes, really. but really! rza was up there. it was as if he was channeling odb or something. sunglasses, maker's mark in hand, lot of howling. i'm always entertained by who's on stage with them. like whole fams and shit they make into their own groups.. gravediggaz, sunz of man or zus or whatever they're called. and then they let some haole mc on the mic for a minute. who is he? the extent of my wu affiliate knowledge.

i've stepped up on the flowershop front. with that the motherland (and ten days in bali!) is postponed. all the while, i realize i have another dad.. a different kind, like a "real" one. the one society always pitched me.. but he really is!

i imagine a world where i just show oodles of love to everyone all the time. in the street, everywhere. you know, like how you catch me do with babies or cute furry animals type steez. i would love to do that to everyone every time i see them. however, there is the matter of le hard look. dare i put the guard down?

i'm not sure yet if i'm underestimating "how to make it in america" or if it's underestimating me. the veterana plimpton is the only thing that works for me so far.

meanwhile, i'm working on loving the hometown while i'm here as much as i do whenever i leave it. in other words, i'm spoiled. and for every moment i miss walking by gaudi masterpieces on the daily, i just remember that l.a. has just as many treasures to soak in. plus sunny, 70º weather in the beginning of march while snow falls onto the sagrada familia as i write this. i have every reason to love where i am right now.

interesting to note, while emanon, aloe blacc, exile and the likes are from the west coast, their tunes consistently send me back to euro nostalgia.

oh, nostalgia. it's a feeling for me. the kind i can't really pinpoint - so emotion-provoking yet mysterious. the whole reason why i find anything nostalgic. moments which only i find memorable. but why? (enter the mystery). and thus the romance...


"thugs eat ice cream too"
i'm assuming we're observing the cuter side of chris pastras here.

yosi's latest project.

after the rain.


wilshire visuals.

hi-res breakfast.

waiting for q during her piano lesson.



what you doin in l.a., with Filipinos and Eses
Latinos and Cheves, down by Pico with Frederico
i answer all your questions but then y'all got to go
now the question i ask you is how bad you want to know?

girlfriend in a coma

i know, i know - it's serious.

something i took away from a sunday service at lake shrine is this:

the mango - i can know everything about: its size, composition, etc. but i won't truly know what a mango is until i taste it.

ah ha.

right? ... oh god i wish it were that easy. just taste that shit already. well, normally it is that easy for me. yet i currently find myself completely unable to grab the mango and taste it. i've reached a point where the thought of how good it'll taste is pretty much torture.

easy does it.

. . . . . .

i used to read depression as lethargy. and i'd judge people based on that idea. but today, the universe has proved me wrong as i find myself saying hello to the blues.

it's a different kind of blues. it's more like a celebration or ode to melancholy.. such a unique state to be in this time around as i work on re-branding it as a good thing. in fact that's where the true pain lies - teaching my brain that feeling blue doesn't mean that i'm a failure. basically when i was a kid, tony was one of those "stop crying!" dads. motivation mountain became that much steeper to climb.

yeah yeah: i'm an afterschool special cliché.

there's progress. interesting to note that all of this feels so healthy. you know what i mean? it's like sadness is okay, not something to be scared of being. alright, you get it. go blues!

B - L - U - E - S ! ! !

. . . . . .

grooving to gratitude. i feel so much gratitude i don't even know how to express it. my appreciation is constantly born.

jay-z's "may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrow." exactly.



visuals of the real world:


nati cat on mia's last night in l.a.


ate's steez.


q & lucia's world (with vivian in tow).



christmas visuals.

non-sensical sideways. a mere minute with the fam.


like church.


last of l.a. with bro before LAX.

stopover.

4 drinks. julz's latest project.

setting up for the last night of 09.






colombe flicks.









bonne année.


... into the next day...

there's a story behind this. coincidentally, the joke has come full circle.

nerds.


my go-to comfort food uptown.



cruising the village.

next stop...



do you really think she'll pull through?

it's time for time.

i always think i'll have so much to say by the time i get to writing for this, but the way i write in my head is just so much funnier to me than it is on paper.

guess you had to be there.

at this point, i don't necessarily feel hope nor despair. everything - everything - is telling me to let go, to listen. so i surrender to now. and i'm learning to be in constant appreciation. humbled toujours.

all the while, it is a bit frightening isn't it. it's completely against what i've learned before today. it's not easy! boo hoo!

"even though there is the whole confession thing, that's no free pass, because there is a crushing guilt that comes with being a Catholic. whether things are good or bad or you're simply... eating tacos in the park, there is always the crushing guilt." ~jack donaghy


pentax new year in st. paul de vence:

alley.

inger in the chapel.

so many nooks & crannieszees.

med sea into sky.

ruth the psychic.

marmaduke.


nice. place garibaldi made over.

lhr-lax. terminal 5 b gates. men in one line; women & children in another.
this & two other photos almost got my pentax/film confiscated by airport security.
(these are not the droids you are looking for).

autodesk my mind en français.